You know you've been in Taiwan too long when

Compiled from internet:
http://www.necessaryprose.com/toolongif.htm
http://ottoatm.blogspot.com/2007/10/you-know-youve-been-in-taiwan-too-long.html

You know you've been in Taiwan too long when...

• 1. You can order the entire McDonald's menu in Chinese.
• 2. You decide it makes more sense to drive a motorcycle instead of a car.
• 3. More than one garment has been ruined by betel-nut spit.
• 4. Someone doesn't stare at you and you wonder why.
• 5. You look both ways before crossing the sidewalk.
• 6. Hsiaohsing Wine tastes good.
• 7. You turn left from the right lane.
• 8. 70 degrees Fahrenheit feels cold.
• 9. You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there's room for two more.
• 10. "Squid" sounds better than "steak".
• 11. You don't notice the smell.
• 12. There are more things strapped to your motorcycle than you ever put in a car.
• 13. Looking at a dog makes you hungry.
• 14. You stop conjugating verbs.
• 15. You drive on the shoulder to pass traffic.
• 16. The main reason you stop at a 7-11 is to buy tea eggs.
• 17. You expect a Chinese New Year's bonus.
• 18. Firecrackers don't wake you up.
• 19. You spend two hours and US$75 to go get potato skins and buffalo wings.
• 20. You can distinguish Taiwanese from Hakka.
• 21. Your family stops asking you when you'll be coming back.
• 22. Taxi drivers are considered "good drivers".
• 23. You withdraw your money from the bank during Chinese missile tests.
• 24. Beer really isn't so expensive.
• 25. You stop and look both ways before driving through a red light.
• 26. "A", "an" and "the" aren't necessary parts of speech.
• 27. You know when the next "big bai-bai" is.
• 28. Smoking is one of the dinner courses.
• 29. You don't mind when your date picks her/his nose in public.
• 30. You wear out your horn before your brakes.
• 31. The police call you to get information about other foreigners.
• 32. You know which place has the best noodles & duck meat at 3:00 a.m.
• 33. a) You (male) wear white socks with suits and black socks with tennis shorts.
• b) You (female) wear socks with pantyhose in summer.
• 34. People who knew you when you first arrived don't recognize you.
• 35. You speak Chinese to your foreign friends.
• 36. You own a karaoke machine.
• 37. None of your shoes have laces.
• 38. Chinese stop you on the street to ask for directions.
• 39. You leave the plastic on new furniture.
• 40. Forks feel strange.
• 41. You can spot the differences between the China News and the China Post.
• 42. The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.
• 43. You wear blue rubber flip-flops at work.
• 44. People don't see you for months, and when they do, they don't ask you where you've been.
• 45. Your deodorant stick has cobwebs on it.
• 46. You check that the karaoke machine is working before boarding a wild chicken bus.
• 47. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.
• 48. You stare at other foreigners.
• 49. Over half of your clothes were bought at night markets.
• 50. You become an expert on bug zappers: the best brands & where to get them.
• 51. The majority of foreigners who have been in Taiwan longer than you are buried here.
• 52. You find yourself saying, "Oh geez, not ANOTHER Year of the Rat."
• 53. You know which turn signal should be on when driving the wrong way down a one-way street.
• 54. You get homesick for Chinese food while away from Taiwan.
• 55. Praying at a temple for a winning lottery number becomes a regular thing to do.
• 56. It becomes a tradition that at least a part of Christmas dinner is stir-fried.
• 57. Other foreigners give you a funny look when you tell them how long you've been here.
• 58. You can't think of any good reason to leave.
• 59. The Statute of Limitations has expired and you still don't go home.
• 60. You understand that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for "Stop speaking bad Mandarin and leave me alone."
• 61. Passing a construction site, you realize metal scaffolding is much more dangerous than bamboo.
• 62. You've spent more time on the island since 1990 than any of the Taiwanese you know.
• 63. The last few vacations you've had have been around Taiwan on company outings.
• 64. You've used up more than one phone card on local calls.
• 65. Locals are surprised to find out you can't vote in the upcoming election.
• 66. Your pets are bilingual.
• 67. Pizza just doesn't taste right unless there's corn on it.
• 68. Your preferred parking spot is on a sidewalk (and you get upset when someone else parks there).
• 69. Most meaningful conversations take place in doorways or on slow-moving motorcycles.
• 70. You can de-bone a piece of chicken in your mouth within seconds.
• 71. Your job title has more than three words.
• 72. You think the service in the restaurants isn't THAT bad.
• 73. You serve Shaoshing wine at home.
• 74. You're constantly the first on the elevator to hit the "door close" button.
• 75. You start cutting off the gravel trucks.
• 76.You prefer squat toilets.
• 77.You think having a scooter would be fun.
• 78.You eat squid on a stick.
• 79.You no longer find those strange and humorous articles in the paper to send home.
• 80.Your most commonly used Mandarin phrase is no longer "wo ting bu dong".
• 81.Your answer to an "either/or" question is "yes".
• 82.When the fashions in the stores look really hip.
• 83.You're into Sumo on NHK.
• 84.When chou tofu is no longer stinky.
• 85.You go to a nice restaurant and look for the rice bowl to put your food in.
• 86.You wish they had Lazy Susans in the middle of the tables at TGI Fridays.
• 87.You spend more time driving ON the lines instead of in between them.
• 88.You read books from back to front.
• 89.You start to like Kaoliang brandy more than XO.
• 90.You think packs of dogs are cute.
• 91.You are on home leave and you say "hsie hsie" instead of thank you.
• 92.You call it home.
• 93.You're ready to name the betel nut as a nutritional supplement.
• 94.You think that $3,000,000NT for a golf club membership is a steal.
• 95.You drive like this all the time.
• 96.You think the Taipei-Tamsui ferry is world class cruising.
• 97.You think that Taiwan is really trying to protect endangered species.
• 98.Your pinkie nail is over one inch long.
• 99.You stop using spell check on your word processor.
• 100.You buy round trip air tickets from Taipei.
• 101.You are worried when you DON'T see the soldiers on a bridge.
• 102.You think that ICRT is quality radio.
• 103.You tell the taxi drivers to hurry up.
• 104.You think your nose IS kind of big.
• 105.You hum along to the tunes in the taxi.
• 106.You've left umbrellas in more than 3 resturants.
• 107.You understand ICRT traffic reports.
• 108.You keep stuffed animals in your car.
• 109.You think walking up Yangmingshan looks like fun.
• 110.When US $4.00 is just about right for a cup of coffee.
• 111.You can tell the difference between Spring rain, the Plum rain, and the rainy season.
• 112.The last time you visited your mother you presented her with your business card.
• 113.The latest you can stay out is 11:30 pm, even on a weekend.
• 114.You can tell, just by looking, which moon cake has the egg in it.
• 115.You're getting allergic to fresh air.
• 116.You get used to being waken up by the "dump-truck tune" instead of a clock.
• 117.Cable TV reminds you of boring commercials and stock market advisories.
• 118.Everything you own is pirated.
• 119.You start to treat your scooter like a spouse.
• 120.You get used to the habit of not paying any tips while traveling.
• 121.Your first reaction in buying things is to ask for discounts.
• 122.Your first reaction in hearing the national anthem is to think of the Chinese elementary school.
• 123.You get addicted to MSG.
• 124.You get dogdoophobia -- the fear of stepping on dog doo when walking around.
• 125.You say "Wei?" instead of "Hello?" when you pick up the phone.
• 126.The red light is merely suggestive to you.
• 127.You talk on your cellular phone, play Tetris, smoke, and chew betel nuts, all at the same time.
• 128.You always ask your best friend back home when he's going to get a motorcycle.
• 129.You greet people by inspecting whatever they're carrying or telling them how fat they've gotten.
• 130.You can no longer tell the difference between a burp and the hiccups, a cracker and a cookie, or toast and bread.
• 131.You're on a first name basis with the staff at the local KTV.
• 132. The perfect date ends at an MTV.

Compiled from internet:
http://www.necessaryprose.com/toolongif.htm
http://ottoatm.blogspot.com/2007/10/you-know-youve-been-in-taiwan-too-long.html